new worries

So, I haven't been doing the greatest on my quest. The last month has been very bad and I haven't really been caring or paying attention to what's been going on. I've been very stressed and been doing some emotional eating and I think I've worked out like three or four times. Fortunately, I haven't gained a whole bunch and I think working out has been a big factor in that. The last time I went to the doctor, I was 270 and now I'm at 248, so there's still some progress in there. Part of the reason I haven't been doing well is because I've really been struggling with some stress, anxiety and a bit of depression. I've been stuttering more and just felt like I've been spiraling out of control. Today I went to the doctor to talk about some of the issues I've been going through and he's prescribed me Zoloft. He did say that one of the side effects can be weight gain, which is exactly what I don't want! I'm hoping that this side effect won't be one of the ones that effect me. I'm hoping that this will make me feel more like myself and hopefully feeling more like myself will allow me to get back to working out and eating right which will make me feel better too, so I'm hoping this will be a great beginning of me getting back to normal. I'll keep you posted.

Introducing......

Shawn. Shawn and I met when I lived in Washington state. He is married to a beautiful and very sweet girl name Jaimi and they have an adorable baby boy named Elijah (Eli) Emmett. Shawn has a way with words and will be a glorious addition to the fluffytofabulous team!! I'm looking forward to being inspired and motivated by his challenges and no-excuses attitude. Yay Shawn!

JUST FOCUS DAMN IT!

I feel so great when I'm doing great. I hold my head high, I am confident in the choices I'm making and all seems right with the world. I'm able to focus and get results from my workouts. I actually work out. I get out of bed easier in the morning. I spend more time with my dog and she's happier. I look people more in the eye when I talk to them. I even flirt a little. But then I get lost on the inside and make bad choices based on my emotions. Then it's like an alcoholic at a wine tasting. It starts with a little taste, then before you know it, they're in the closet with the leftover bottles, sloshing it all around and sucking any rogue drops off of their shirt sleeves. I'm learning a lot about myself, and I'm learning that when I allow myself an inch, I'll take a mile. If I allow myself a little slip up, I'll allow myself a few more. Then I'll begin to see weakness as an option. Then it becomes a part of me, uncontrollable, justified, forgiven and repeated. I need to remember that I don't think about food like a normal person. I don't say no like a normal person. It's one of the challenges I've been given and I'll learn how to deal with it. Not necessarily conquer it and I think that's going to have to be the difference. Every day provides new challenges that I have to win. And I like to win. So here I go again...