A sense of accomplishment

Life is really good right now. I've hit my first goal of losing 10% of my body weight (27 pounds so I'm currently at 245), I'm working out on a regular basis and just learning to take care of myself. I consider myself a nurturer by nature (say that ten times fast!) and I'm worried about the well being of others, but have never taken the time to put myself and my health first. I finally realized that I'll be of no use to anyone else if I'm no good to me.
As you've read, that has had a big impact on my life and my decision making this year. I'm making much better choices and I'm finally beginning to see the benefits of those choices. It's not only in the number on the scale, it's also in the sense of accomplishment I feel when I can bend down at work and be able to get back up. It pops up when I look in my closet for something to wear and I see THOSE jeans. The ones that I bought expecting them to fit and when I got them, they fit, but more like a wetsuit than something to relax in. The ones that now slide easily over my hips and thighs and are almost a little baggy and give me room to breathe.
I feel like I'm able to climb a mountain.. oh WAIT! I DID!! My friend Dan and I went hiking last week and although I wasn't able to climb the whole mountain, I refuse to feel bad about it because we got about a third of the way up and it's an intermediate/expert climb. Um, hello? Can anyone say beginner??? I tried to upload a couple of pictures, but then my computer crashed, so I won't try again...
Today I took a self defense course and it kind of kicked my butt (no pun intended), but it felt great! I'm glad I've been working out because it helped with some of the strength required for some of the moves, but you also use a lot of different muscles that you don't normally use, so it was a nice workout also. It actually made me a little interested in taking a longer self defense course or a martial arts course because it's a great skill to have in case I ever need it and it's a great workout. WEIRD! I'm talking about great workouts! And hiking! AND I LOVE IT! I love this person I'm becoming. I'm happy I'm getting out of the routine of being lazy and eating crap and putting nothing but chemicals into my body.
Interstingly enough, I feel more focused and like all the energy I have is harnessed in a healthier direction so I'm not as all over the place with my adult ADD (I've been diagnosed by a professional, I'm not using it as a cop out at all. It's not something I'm proud of but it's something I'm learning to live with and use to my advantage.)
Being proud of my self is a new feeling for me. I was proud of myself when I did well in school. I was proud of myself when I lost all the weight before I had my gallbladder surgery. I've been proud of myself that I've been able to successfully support myself without NEEDING a man. But this is totally different. This is me making great choices for ME so I'll have a better future. So I'll attract a higher caliber partner because I'll be at a higher caliber myself. Not right away, but one small step at a time.

Week one of working out: CHECK!

It's been one week since my first meeting with Gabe and since my journey into the land of exercise. So far, I've survived, so that's a good sign! I'm absolutely amazed at the progress the human body can make in just a week. I'm already more flexible and I can tell the strength difference in my legs while I'm at work when I go to do squats to clean and stuff. I wake up and stretch and I've tried to do SOMEthing every day, whether it's just a little cardio on the treadmill (I can do 20 minutes! *big cheesy grin*) or doing some dips against the counters or calf raises at work. I haven't been to the point where I'm so sore that I can't move, and I credit that to a lot of stretching and for not taking too much time between workouts. Gabe said that the muscles are still conditioned (or something like that) for 72 hours so that's one of the reasons you don't have to work out the same muscles every day and it's good to mix it up.
I did get schooled by my roomie Diana in hip hop aerobics a couple days ago, so I definitely need to work on my coordination and it's definitely a great starting point and it'll be awesome to look back in a couple months and see how far I've come.
Ok, just a little check in. My internet has been acting up a little, so I haven't been able to check in the last couple days. This is Muffin Top, over and out.

The Journey to the Center of my Girth

Here's something called a "ticker" that is a visual of how far I've come on this journey to the center of my girth. This is just a catalog for the 90 pounds I plan to lose this year. At 225, I'm down 16 pounds from my highest weight of 271 at Thanksgiving this year. Not that it counts in this experiment, I just like to add the extra 9 pounds. *wink*


NEW YEAR'S 2008NEW YEAR'S 2009

changing the tape

We've all heard the phrase "to get something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done." I'm trying to reprogram myself to come to a place where making better choices is automatic. I'm getting there slowly, but it's not easy. It's usually the hardest when I'm stressed, pissed or tired. That's when I used to run to the comforting glow of the golden arches or could hear the taco bell ringing my name.


I have to remind myself that that is how I got myself into this mess in the first place. Food is my drug of choice and that is what I have used practically my whole life as celebration, my boyfriend, a time filler, my therapist, or as a plan for stress management. I never exercised because I never felt like I was doing it right the first time so I just gave up on it. Or, I'd do it once, feel accomplished and go drink a soda or have some fries on my next drive thru trip to celebrate or because "I'd burned it off already." I never MADE THE CHOICE to get iced tea or water or milk at a restaurant. I never MADE THE CHOICE to get a salad or the grilled fish or grilled chicken because I didn't want the people behind the counter to think I was on a diet because I JUST KNEW that's what they were thinking. Because it's all about me. Everyone is making a judgement every time they see me or see me put anything in my mouth, right? Wrong. Even if they are, who cares? They're not going to be the ones on dialysis after my kidneys quit out on me from the diabetes I'll get if I keep going this direction.


I began observing the people in my section at work and began to realize a pattern. More often than not, the fluffy patrons are not the ones ordering the grilled salmon with asparagus instead of the fries. The fluffy patrons are not the ones ordering water. The fluffy patrons are not the ones asking me to take the bread off the table. And yet, the not fluffy patrons seem more relaxed and just as happy as the others. It is my belief, based soley on my observations and my lifelong battle with my weight, that the not fluffy patrons are happy and more relaxed because they know they are making a good choice in the face of 200 unhealthy options and the fluffy patrons are happy because they are getting their fix. Do I think the not fluffy patrons want to be eating the grilled chicken and broccoli instead of the Madiera, covered in cheese and a wine sauce with butter and mashed potatoes? Not really. But I understand now why they do.


I'm happy when I got out to eat because it's what I love to do. I love having someone wait on me for a change, I love the conversation, I love the intimacy of becoming friends with someone and getting to know them better, I love seeing people around me interacting, I love the music, I love the ambiance, I love the different experiences you get at different places, I love it all. And yes, I love the food. The thing that will make the difference in this whole equation is what I CHOOSE to order. I still get the conversation, observation, music, ambiance and experience if I get grilled fish or a bacon cheeseburger with fries and ranch.


And a bonus I never expected: I still get to have a high almost every day, only this time it comes from knowing that I worked out and did something good for myself and from seeing the progress that I'm making. It comes from taking the stairs instead of the elevator and seeing how much easier it's becoming. It comes from my shaking leg as I'm sitting down because I know my body is burning calories and needs some place for the energy to be released. It comes from people asking me if my hair is lighter because it's not. My face is thinner and people can tell something is different, they just can't pinpoint it, so it must be my hair, right?

So, I'm changing the tape. After all, I can't be listening to The Used if I have Elliott Yamin in the CD player, right? So, I'm kicking Elliott to the curb along with french fries, cheesecake, cheeseburgers, strawberry shortcake, chipotle pasta and spicy crispy chicken sandwiches. It's not to say I won't put him in for a brief ride every now and then when I REALLY need it. I'll just listen to one song and switch it back and make the RIGHT choices.

Now THIS is getting high

No, this isn't a blog about drugs, it's about the workout I just had. Granted, I'm taking it slow so I don't hurt myself and end up with a reason not to work out, but I just did 15 minutes on the treadmill and while it may be "small patatas" to most of you, it's a BIG win for me. Especially because I wasn't taking a lazy stroll the whole time. I actually got to huffin' it! And weird, because the faster I went, the faster time went. I don't even remember minute 7-14 and I was ready to quit after 6! It's probably because I really got into the song I was listening to and as I was punching my arms, I pictured a face in front of it. What? Free therapy? HAHAHA I'm loving the way I feel right now. I'm going to work out with Gabe tomorrow again and I'm pumped!

Oh, that's right, I haven't mentioned Gabe yet. No, he's not my boyfriend, lover, brother, uncle, boss, coworker or grocery bagger, he's my "trainer." I put "trainer" in "quotations" because I'm taking a class at the rec center, not paying a full time personal trainer a gagillion dollars. He is trained to do it, but because he's in a wheelchair I guess he can't be certified in it or something? I don't know, I'm just speculating here. I don't even care that he's in a wheelchair. After all, I'm the one doing the workouts, not him. He's just supervising. Anyway, we met for the first time with the other lady from the class (Judy? Janet? something with a J....) and went through all the circuit equipment and tomorrow we're going to go through a workout while he makes sure we're doing everything correctly and stuff. I want him to show me how to do some of the freeweights because that's what we have the most of in the gym at my complex and if i'm ever away from a "gym" I can still do freeweights at home. And we're going to learn stuff on the ball too. I'm glad to have someone I can go to to answer any of my questions. I want to do things right this time and I want to learn as much as I can so I can help those around me who want it also. Fluffy girls travel in packs and I want them to find as much joy in life as I have found recently!